LOL, I had to look up the list again.
EMPRESS: Agape, probably, if you cut through all the layers of bullshit and got down to the core. Which is kind of a boring answer until you consider that I desire to give that too, which is kind of a doozy, the whole learning to love others unselfishly part. I hope that’s not too boring lol. Short-term, I really just want to get my apartment situation in Beijing squared away and to make some contacts there so that I’m not completely alone when I get there. But I like the big picture better, so there you go.
EMPEROR: Family traditions? DO I EVER. Let’s see:
- On my dad’s side, when you turn 40, people throw you a really crazy party. They dress you up in old person clothes and give you presents like glasses and a box of Depends. But they also go all out and make you a fancy cake and get you a pinata with money inside (except the pinata is shaped like a crow). Over the hill. Yup.
- We used to alternate Christmases on my dad’s side, before my cousins started reproducing like crazy and now like we can’t fit 45 people in a house for Christmas. It just doesn’t happen. But we used to alternate at my aunt’s house and at my parents’ house.
- All CHILDREN (see below for definition of “child” on my dad’s side, because it’s pretty obscure) are “Santa’s helpers” for handing out presents. We get to wear festive hats (as reigning queen of the children, I always get the elf hat and the elf shoes and sometimes I wear an elf costume for the hell of it).
- We also do this weird white elephant thing on my dad’s side for the adults. To be considered an adult in name, you have to have a job (but really to be considered an adult, you have to have kids…most of us do, which means my 16 year-old cousins are considered adults and I’m 22 and still sit at the kids’ table. But, you know, it’s okay, because…
- MY DAD’S SIDE GETS REALLY REALLY DRUNK AT ANY AND ALL LARGE FAMILY GATHERINGS. Seriously, they’re like a frat. I have so many ridiculous stories, but basically, if the cousins’ boyfriends aren’t throwing up in the bushes outside, it’s not considered a good party (mind you, they’re all in their like mid-30’s now). And there was this one time that my cousin and her boyfriend almost convinced my completely sloshed family that we were going to drive to Mexico (we were in El Paso, so it wouldn’t have taken too long) and get married on the Internet. LIKE WHY MEXICO WHEN THERE’S INTERNET HERE? NO CLUE. NO. CLUE. And everyone kind of stumbled to their feet and were about to head out the door when my mother (who doesn’t drink) PHYSICALLY BLOCKED THE DOOR AND TOOK ALL OF THEIR KEYS. I was 14 at the time and was just like…um. Wat. (And, you know, we have a lot of people in my family who had kids very very young, so they let loose when the fam gets together. Basically—and this is why I’m considered a child—me and other “older kids” take the younger kids for the rest of the gathering so the adults can party.
OH AND THIS ONE TIME WE ALMOST LOST MY AUNT BECAUSE SHE WAS TOO DRUNK TO GET OUT OF HER TUBE AND ALMOST FLOATED OVER A CLIFF AT THIS RIVER WE WERE AT. Good times.
- My mother’s side is actually much more tame. Basically, we do the Filipino thing where we FEAST FEAST FEAST at any and all family gatherings.
- On my mother’s side, my sister and I make up five core cousins, the ones in the U.S. anyway. One of the cousins is in the Navy, so we never see him, but the rest of us all have traits that the family picks on us for (for me, it’s my weight; for Kirsten, it’s respect; for my other cousin, it’s that he didn’t go to college; and the poor other cousin, who has a house and a car and a super demanding job, gets picked on because he doesn’t visit his mom enough). So, the code is “let’s go outside,” and we all go into the driveway, where my sister and I have stocked the trunk of her car with alcohol (again, this side of my family barely drinks, if ever), and we drink crappy Strawberitas/$3 wine out of paper cups. It’s a solidarity thing.
- My mother gives you the talk her father gave her on the day that you graduate college, which is basically, if you make *holds up 5 fingers* this much money, *puts one finger down* THIS IS HOW MUCH YOU SAVE. All your friends are out celebrating right now, but we’re going to celebrate when you have a steady job. Then you’re going to take me out for dinner.
- Mother’s Side: If you’re graduating high school or college, minimum amount of money you get from each family member is $100—$50 if you’re feeling stingy.
- Mother’s Side: each baby (we’re very Filipino Catholic) gets TWO GODMOTHERS and no godfather (men SERIOUSLY don’t survive long in my family, while the women tend to live to their 90’s-100’s).
- Mother’s Side: Debu instead of a sweet sixteen (I really never wanted a sweet sixteen to begin with).
LOVERS: LOL. Well, as you know, darling, I have only three criteria for people I date:
1. You respect me (this is usually the disqualifying factor).
2. You like me back (and I’m like, kind of demisexual, so it’s kind of hard for me to be attracted to people in the first place, at least at first).
3. You’re breathing.
amiortheotherscrazy and I went ahead and modified this list for the first time in like, ten years (I MADE THIS WHEN I WAS 12 OKAY AND IT HAS SERVED ME WELL) and added “must be willing to cuddle with me and watch Stargate,” which kind of makes the list more specific, but, you know, I clearly set the bar high in this part of my life. *rolls eyes*
lovejustlied prefers that I add “must be a woman” to this list, but I really have no preference. Really, truly.#memes #meme answers #asks #sora2522 #wow this was long